Guest Post, Red Hot Doug "Conn"
This is the best dog I have ever had. Cody, age 5. He enjoys body surfing (really) in 3-4 foot seas and power naps. His best friend is our cat Easley and he hates the UPS guy almost as much as the fedex dude. I don't like those fruity shorts they wear all winter either. He also enjoys Costco Rawhides, watching anyone pee and peeing on anything green.. His fav drink (besides water) is Mannys unfiltered Pale Ale. I can't find it in bottles (only tap) so if anyone knows where to get it in stores let me know. Absolute Poker "Grinder" hat if you can direct me to a store in WA STATE near Seattle. (google it, easy hat deal). As always sharkmaster pays da postage too. Did you get your care package Roanan, Carl and Pokerbrokers?? I loaded ya up. Dam Canadians, twice the postage and hes only 2 hrs from my work. Let play red rock soon roanan. You can stake me so you will have a chance to add to your dwindling BR. haha!
One of my best buds world class sleight of hand artist and shark charter member Doug Conns guest post below after a quick shark update (great read, he is final tabling daily and punishing the pokers):
I'm back kids! My poker was sidetracked recently by personal problems (i'm not gonna give details.....uh...ahhh...hmmm. cause its personal. In the interest of not being too serious (or a downer) lets just say yer old buddee sharkmasta is livin in a $30 motel (free WIRELess!) and not taking his normal afternoon nappy with main man and body surfing legend Cody (lab age 5).
I never forgave the warden for fixing him without asking me. Sure, he ruined 3 nice pillows and tried to mount our 13 year old but I wanna be involved in decisions relating to MY DOGS private area, nether regions, manly parts, gonads, jonson, shlonger, man hammer, diamond cutter, etc. I don't care if hes so hornee baybee that the cat won't scratch it, I need to be consulted. He was 1 year old fer fucks sake. Never had the sexy time. He had his eye on next door neighbors beagle and I was gonna let him loose when they went away for weekend "sure, sure, i'll get yer paper this weekend" !! At least let him go to work on sum mutt one time. Let him have a great memory and buy more pillows. Dammit. Pillows are cheap. Get a goddamn crayon, draw a fukkin picture of a beagle on one, put said pillow and doggie in garage, let him jerk his smokewagon and go to work....(tombstone, great flick). Sorry, I miss my boy and it helps to write about him.
My new job is good and I will be ruining many retirements (j/k) in my new position of internet sales manager in a nice small town (Cadillac, GMC dealer, we have 3 lots I can sell iron out of). Call if you would like a great deal on a new or used car or truck. 425.879.7169 is my direct line. I ship to Alaska, Hawaii, East Coast, whatever. My prices are rarely beat and shipping is fairly inexpensive for us since we move cars all over the USA. I can buy your trade un -seen also. We'll do it with pics and a local safety check. Our dealer is very "customer friendly" and we don't play the "big city" games. After years in the big city I really like this gig.
I recently decided that I was not doing a good job for my loyal Shark members. I was tired of all the errors that our sites make setting up events (I made a few also) and after 300 tourneys needed a break. Of course, the new legislation (punish poker professionals and players since we are not receiving tax money from the offshore sites) made this business much harder to make work. I didnt quit playing but many did.
No Taxes? I pay mine? Many other poker pros (affiliates/players) do. I respect our country, taxes that pay for our great roads, bridges and tribal liquor stores and killer cigar rooms. ha!
Things will change. These new state and federal laws will be dumped or they will figure out how to collect taxes on every buck. Fine do it. Give our troops better body armor! Im down with that. One of me best buds is a Lt Col. A proud 27 year vet marine that has fought for me and my country. I love our soldiers and we need to finish the job and get them back so they can play more pokers and have rough sexy tyme with their wardens.
Can I have an amen! amen bruddha....
Doug "Conned" "Connjure" Conn is on another tear. I asked him to write this BRAG post so its not really a brag if I requested it. He knows all the best poker sites and has recently been hired as my NEW Tour GM and Tourney Director. He is going to give our TOUR fresh blood and give you players what you want. More events, more adds, and sum sweet Satellite seats will be won soon.
www.sharkpokertour.com is back up and will have events posted by next week. www.onlineshark.com is being refreshed and knarly freerolls and seats will be WON by my weak/passive donkelicious viewers this summer.
New sites will be tried, Doug will be negotiating for great deals for you....my loyal Shartk player.
He's excited and getting paid well to get us rockin'. Support Doug by posting a "congrats" in his "conned" thread in the shark forum now. We need posts. Complain, ask questions of me or Doug, tell a story or post 30 wrasslin vids like Born. I don't care. Help us by being an active member. Don't just play our freerolls and run. We are a team. I love you all deeply. You 20,000 complete me. I will hug all of you, and kiss the sweaty men....ok. off to work, heres New Orleans bad a$$ Dougie post;
Wisdom, Bragging and a Few Suggestions on PWNing!
A teacher of mine once said:
"Your greatest accomplishments will be in 'leaps and bounds' ...
after taking the right baby steps."
Check out my latest / 120 day stats from www.officialpokerrankings.com (a GREAT site) Pic/Link below
Note: click on the pic for a full size shot... 330% ROI! 23% ITM Almost 3k profit (not bad for a low limit / semi-grinder) In the last few months, I've had over a dozen final tables, a few 3rds, a few 2nds and a few WINS!
BTW: there are several online sites that will give you stats like the stuff above. Bluff Magazine now hosts the PokerDB (in its new/advanced form) http://www.bluffmagazine.com/thepokerdb/index.asp If you're a SNG player, you'll wanna look @ www.sharkscope.com
I HIGHLY recommend using these sites... Not just to track your results, but also the results of your opponents. Next time you make a final table, or simply find yourself curious about an opponent, log onto one of the info sites and check out their stats. Within a minute or two, you can know exactly the caliber of competition @ your table. Of course, Pokertracker is another great piece of software that will give you that extra edge.
FYI: As usual, I document my accomplishments on the Shark Forums: www.sharkpokertour.com/PHPbb2/ Check the 'sweat and success' forums for my (hopefully daily) updates. BTW: I look forward to seeing more "Online Sharks" posting some sweat and success. There's plenty of juicy games to jump into... go get em and post your victories! And/or let us know when/where to apply the shark sweat
Take note: The Omaha games continue to be my gravy (as well as my favorite games to play.) I find the game MUCH more 'stimulating' than Holdem:& my tourney results reflect that (note to self: try a lil harder when playin Holdem!) If you're finding the No-Limit grind to be just that "grinding" I suggest taking a look at Omaha.
FYI: My "Omahalic" article (a 12 step primer on the game) can also be found on the Shark Forums: http://www.sharkpokertour.com/PHPbb2/viewtopic.php?t=2474
Well, thats nuff typing... My 3rd tourney just opened (4k guar $20 PLO) and I'm sucking azz in the other two ($20 deepstack PLO8/b and the 25K $5 rebuy) Time to go focus, and make some leaps & bounds.
GL on the felt, Conn.
Do you wanna receive a FREE Shark hat, shirt or shark home brew everclear? Write me a funny or strong guest post. Doug has so much shark gear hes a walkin billboard and chicks dig shark gear (not actually true). I love him longtyme GI. If I like your post (it won't take much) you get swag (shark swaggage, gear, stuff, items, units)