Absolute Poker

TONIGHT! 5/31 @ 9pm ET

"Shark Home Game"
$5 buy-in with $200 added to the prize pool

Cha-Ching!

BTW: password
is aphomegame

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Passwords For Upcoming Events Will Be Posted Here! Stay Tuned.

Shark and Conn do the Venetian in June.

Huge NEW Shark Events posted in the Calendar now! Click link above, stay tuned for more!

Poker Journeyman Phil Iveys bad ass Mercedes above.

I want to hear your favorite one liner from "Borat" in my comments section. Winner will get a sweet Shark logo ball hat. My contribution: "You bastard.....me mustache still smells like yer testes!" As always yer ole buddeee Sharkee will pay postage and talk durty to yer mom if ya give me her cell #. nuff said.

There is a new forum poster creating a stir in my Shark forum. Go there now and ask UkP (unknownpro) a question in our Players Lounge. I met this fuckstick at the RIO (we both killed 2/5 NL that night) and thought he might add a little edge to the forum. I promised him a buncha swag if he would go there and be his rude self. He delivers in triplicate and will get a nice truckload of shark shyt asap. What a toolio. I have not seen this big of a sphincter since I first met former Paradise Poker affiliate Mgr. Stephen (forgot last name but will drop him at next convention). Stephen was mean and very hurtful with his words to your fearless leader.

I'll ban UkP and kick his his aggro a$$ to the curb if he picks on my players but torture him a few times first. I think he can give it out but can't take it.

He seems to have it out for Doug. Maybe he wants Dougs new Shark GM job. Whatever, play him head-up and shut his mouth please. I'll pay FIDDY if someone beats him in a HU match. transfer at AP only, please, you call station bots. I'll impose a 1 month ban on UkP if anyone beats him HU. Tgreer? Shark Legend GAR? Where are you sweetness812 (stone killer HU). If he was as good as he says he is Ivey (still worst swing in poker/golf and best car in poker/golf)) and Antonius (soooo hot I may go bi) would be looking for work at the food court at Red Rock.

Shark and Conn do lost wages; June 25-28

I'm in Vegas with recent multiple Omaha MTT final table terrorist Doug Conn (new Shark GM). We will be playing Satellites and Doug will soot up for the WSOP Omaha split game. His best game IMO. The pros won't know him and i'm gettin' a big piece of him in that $2000 buyin. I'm gonna rest more than play this trip. Sure i'll do the "Roy Cooke" recommended late night, drunk cali frat boi, donkey fest to pay for trip once or twice, but its pool time and patron silver/boodles/bakers bourbon/killer cigars/daily massagey/sashimi gorging for Shark this trip. Stayin at the lovely Venetian so Doug will share a room with me (Suites are huge and so nice). Babbit Bros are doin Vegas! Wapner at 4:30! Wapner. yaya.

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My Dad continues to RUN mega en fuego at "Let it Ride" in Vegas. Hes going down about once a month and will join the shark/conn fest in June i'm sure. I think hes up around 12-14K in last 5 trips! Ballys has offered him hookers and blow besides all the reg. comps. yes baybee. My Dads only 66 but appears to be in his late 80's. Vegas is rough if you a frequent visitor. I don't wanna see his "Let it Ride" dance. I hate it when they play that shitty song after some drunk clown drinkin bud lite (icky) in a walmart soot hits a set.

Check out the Shark tank at the Nugget downtown if you head to Vegas. Holy mackeral, what a cool idea. Huge sharks in a tank as you ride a big tube thru the tank. I love sharks. So bad ass when they slowly swim thru that tank. I watched it for 45 minutes late one night. So check that out for sure, or stay there and swim in the nice new pool or ride the tube.

Another thx to Doug for really going crazy putting my sites back in tip top shape. More events, more money, nekkid events scheduled (drapes open), Omaha, Blackjack tourneys and who the fuck knows what else Doug might do. His ideas are always good so i'm lettin him run with it. Tell him you appreciate the love (and added cashish) in his "Conned" thread.

Trip report to follow on Vegas, me in speedos from pool and primo steak house Delmonicos, Doug from the tables.

Heres a sampler from me RIO buddee UkP "unknownpro" He seems to have a problem with me using the great Ric "whooooo" Flair as an avatar in the forum. Major tiltorama spewage from UkP:

Flairs a pussy and has a boil on his back the size of Rhode Is. He now works at a Pizza Hut in Des Moines Iowa. He enjoys leering at the paper girl and ridin durty with Ethel at the senior center.

Shark get a new avatar or i'll bitch slap ya at the Rio in June. Whooooooooooooooooooooo nuff said. UkP rules, skis blk diamonds only, and is makin friends all over the country (with your mama). UkP is averaging 241 on the bowling tour, uses a "house ball" and don't practice.

You can't even hold my jock strap much less wear it shark, you one toofed weak passive call bot.
Your sauce is weak. please ban me so I can go to a real forum. That Micon fuker is funny as shit plus hes good wit da ladies. whoooooooooooooooooooooo. I heard Bellagio diva "satellite entry for da anals" Brandi Hawbaker strapped one on and got him handled. whoooooooooooooooo.

Doug: Please keep playing your GROUP 1's and foldin the rest, even in position. You post alot cause you rarely play a hand. Change your depends and bluff with clean diapers onetyme big boi.

"If a man wishes to rid himself of a feeling of unbearable oppression, he may have to take the hashish" Friedrich Nietzsche

UnKnownPro

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Thanks for reading, my donkelicious Shark members.

Shark