Don't go on Fear Factor if you can't SWIM

Man, is anyone else tired of watchin guys almost drown on Fear Factor? I got nothing against non swimmers but geez, they do alot a swimmin' on that show. If you are scared of the water, can't swim or mostly just lift alot of weights you will sink. Its really just physics. Try to get on another show. They will let you show off your muscles on other shows but you won't look like a giant puss when you look at the water, wet yourself, then almost drown. Notice they don't do the "walk of shame" after they almost drown. If you swallow 2 gallons of water you go to the hospital, direct.

Okay, I feel better now......Poker action: Didn't make the Hollywood Tourney last night. As often happens I got lazy, fired up 4 Tourney tables on the second love of my life (21" samsung flat screen) and prepared to do battle.....dark shades, check.......UB hat (backwards) check......no pants, ice cold pacifico (lime), depends (I don't need no stinkin' breaks) checkcheckcheck.

To my right, the lovely (I way overchicked) "raisinhavok" (Patti) tearin up Absolute 2/4 and playin mean spider solitare on her matching 213T samsung (b-day present). She not only doesn't care about table image or what other players are doing but looks at me like i'm goofy when I mention "its kinda important for yer win rate honey". Spider solitare? Way more important then the Shark BR (bankroll). Oh well, shes cute as hell and is a fine momma.

Tourney action: Only played 4 events and went to bed early. Bodog, 2 @ UB, Pokerstars. No cashes, played well. Had several coin flips as a small favorite (my mid pairs against the usual AK, AQ AJ. Tonight the ace popped every time. Last hand of the night (Stars satellite) I'm rollin' with about 8K and 140 left (550 played). Need a double up, but lotsa time. Aggressive lil feller/chickie to right raises my blind as usual and I peer at my fav hand, lil ladies, pkt bitches. QQ baybeee. I put him on AK or AQ since thats what every donk has shown me tonight and re-raise his soon to be livin' in pain fer the rest a his hillbilly life a$$, 3 times his raise. He goes all in (do I need to type this) as most do with AKo and I wait for the ACE to hit the turn. No turn, first card out. NH GG M'fer. He has me covered so I can go to bed and squeeze the warden.

Note on Tourneys: I have found a few small buyins that I enjoy. My favorite online is the Pokerstars $3 rebuy satellite for a spot in the Stars guaranteed 500k which is played on Sundays. They also have a 700K (twice a month?) in place of the 500K. I have earned my spot 3 outa the 6 times I have played it and was bubble boy on another and made 430. (top 18 got the 700K 500+30 entry I got 19th. Best bubble ever. cha ching. 9 bucks on rebuys.

They also have $30 rebuys for these events. Last night 27 got the 200+10 entry for the 500K sunday. Horrible players and a pretty easy entry into a big money tourney. Be careful early. Bad players know their best chance is to win some coin flips all-in and have no desire to play a flop with someone that actually knows some strategy. Position is huge here. If you are in early or even middle position with KK make sure you bet enough to thin the field. I think Stars advertises for calling stations. Maybe i'm goofy, but I don't care to call a 300 raise to see a flop with A6o, then wonder what to do when an ACE pops. You wanna risk your Tourney with a 6 kicker?

1st runs about 100-150K in these huge events. You get to test your game against several pros and have a shot at a nice hit if you final table. Have fun!

Come and play with my Shark Army this week. We have added money Freerolls at Titan Poker, feared Pro Scott Fischmans site "Fish Tank" (Scott will play if available), And $5 buyins at Absolute and Titan. Go here www.SharkPokerTour.com to sign up, login, then go to our sched. of events page to register for tourneys or receive passwords. If I have time to play in our events this week we will announce some nice "launch shark" bonuses.

Next week I will discuss my new career.....modeling socks.

Please.....bet, raise or fold, no callin' stations in my Army!

Soon, I will have all yer chippies, Shark